Poem: Not That Type of Hard

You know how they say that romantic relationships are hard?
I mean they ain’t lying,

But let me tell you something QUEEN.
It’s not the hard that you keep talking about.
Stop using that as an excuse to justify you trying.
Stop using that as an excuse to justify you staying.

It’s not the type of hard where,
The words solely deepen and create new wounds.
Where he speaks more lies than he speaks truth.

And it’s not the type of hard that makes your whole body feel numb,
and not because you’re being caressed in all the right places,
but because you now find yourself inside his phone confirming that gut feeling
you’ve been fearing
as you read a text to his ex saying,
“Come downstairs. I’m outside.”

Yes, it will be hard, gorgeous.
But not the type of hard where they lie, again, and again
It’s not the type of hard where you find him
in the backseat of a car with another woman,
and then his response towards you turns physical.

No, beautiful.

It’s more like the type of hard that has you at the dinner table talking about your life goals and talking through whether you will have kids this year or next,
whether you decide to stay put or move to another state.
And you realize that y’all don’t have it all figured out
And y’all hadn’t thought about this years ago when y’all met, but it’s ok.
You talk.

It’s the type of hard where after he asks you,
“Where do you want to eat?”
And you respond, “I’m down for anything.”
You also immediately reject the first three suggestions he makes because you ain’t REALLY trying to eat anything.

So an argument may arise.

See in this type of hard, you also start learning to be impeccable with your word.
So you start removing words like, “Anything.”

And in this type of hard,
when frustration is building up because you find yourself cooking more than he does,
You decide to bring it up

And you might even practice how you are going to say it, because, well,
Speaking from a place of love is new to you, and it’s part of the whole
practicing to be impeccable with your words

So, you do bring it up
The whole cooking thing,
And he’s glad you brought it up because, well…
He has been frustrated too

In fact, he will very eloquently remind you that he’s been putting the dishes away more than you
And he’s been the only one washing clothes for months
so then you kind of feel, ‘dumb.’
You realize you were being a bit self-centered.

See in this type of hard
He will still do and say some shit you don’t like.
And you’ll still want to say
“Damn you’re fucken annoying.”
And it’ll be hard to hold back
But you will.
Because you’ve been practicing.

And in this type of hard speaking from a place of love becomes easier.
So instead you decide to say:

“Babe, you made me feel this type of way when you did that type of thing the other day.
Can we talk?”
and you talk.
And even talking can be hard.
But that type of hard is worth it.